Not sure if I’m the first to use this word (there is no evidence to the contrary) but I shall be campaigning for it to be included into the next edition of the Oxford English Dictionary.
Podder- A person listening to his MP3 player in a public place oblivious to his surroundings, often escaping to the world of pod. The mating call of a podder is often heard whilst it’s in a hypnotic like trance.
We all see them, on trains, buses and more often than not, across the green baize of the poker table. Occasionally you think they are talking to you but they are just lost in ‘Pod world’ and simply grunting along, “OOOrr mmyyy Wunderwaaaal” or “da dur dar dar PARKKK LIIIFFFeeeeee”
Yes I am guilty of this on occasions and have indeed played the part of a Podder and have visted the “World of pod“. In fact my world of pod is a dangerous and strange dark place to visit. Filled with the angry thoughts of the Meteors and John Lydon. However, normally I have never been one for I-Pods or MP3 players. This is not because I find Podders annoying (although some truly are, me included I’m sure) but often because I don’t have one with me.
A few years ago when I Visited Las Vegas for my stag do I decided to treat myself to an I-Pod and bought one from the I-pod Vending machines at McCarran Airport. (yes it is true, they do have I-pod vending machines, not as popular as the chocolate ones but there none the less. How modern!)
When returning home I excitedly hooked it up to my computer and downloaded all the ripped off MP3 tracks I had snaffled some years earlier from Napster. Across the room a rather miffed Kila was glaring at me. Maybe because I had been away for the week and was too engrossed in what I was doing to show her more attention. Well nothing new there, it must be something else. Turns out she had bought me a groovey new Pod for my birthday and was not too happy about her now having to take this back and think of something else. I ended up with a camera that has a battery life of 5 photos or a 9 second video.
To add more tension to the relationship, after spending hours setting the thing up I lost said I-pod first night I used it at the Blackpool festival. Never again will I waste money on such a contraption. They are a pain in the arse to carry around in your pocket along with any other paraphernalia you may be carrying such as ciggies and phones. Sorry but wearing a bum bag or carrying one of these men purse things that are seemingly becoming popular is just not an option. No self respecting bitter drinker would be seen carrying a poofy thing like that about. Sir John Smith and Lord Boddington would turn in their graves. Besides I’d only end up losing that too.
There are other reasons why poker players should not become Podders. You will miss far too much information given away by players who like to chat a lot about the game. It’s amazing how players often tell you how they would play this hand or that hand against this player or that. They tell you what they’ve thrown away and how much they sometimes bet with certain hands. Why be patient working out someone’s style of play when they simply volunteer this information. Also with an I-Pod blaring away in you ear, you can sometimes miss occasional subtle tells when people announce raises. Mistakes are often made by the Podders when they don‘t realise what action has taken place . They slow down the game having to remove head phones to ask what the bet is. Damn annoying. Or maybe it’s a ploy to get us wound up and off our game, now there’s a thought.
A few months ago after losing my mobile I entered the O2 store to find out if I could claim one from the insurance. Luckily I was entitled to an upgrade. Due to the fact my phone bills are often astronomical through calls made overseas, I was entitled to any phone I wanted. I have never been a phone gimmick person, yes I can send text messages but all the other gadgety stuff included was never my thing. I am just too lazy to learn. Not knowing what phone does what, I simply choose the most expensive. Something I always do when picking a new phone. Hey it’s free aint it? This is normally the most expensive Nokia phone but this time I ended up with one of them touch screeny mini computery things. It had a small version of windows and what appeared to be a pretty good MP3 player. Hmmmmmm, maybe I will dip my toe into Podder world again. Without the burdon of carrying two items around I was now far less likely to lose something.
After spending all evening ignoring the wife and loading all my songs onto it I was indeed quite excited about this new phone. It had some pretty groovey games and I could now access porn and gambling sites on the move. I had joined the 21st century. I conveniently changed my opinions on Podders as I was now one myself and headed down to London for the Grosvenor Final.
Stopping with Norm and Bev I excitedly showed off my state of the art gadget only to be presented with Norms new I-Phone. Damn that’s good I thought, but refused to show my jealousy.
“Ahhhhhh, but can it do this…………? Oh, Oooooh, it can hmmmmmm. Well what about this…………..? Oh it can do that too eh? Yeah but its much bigger than mine in it. (not something a bloke normally would brag about)
Damn it, no matter how I looked at it, this I-Phone was the gadget of gadgets and added to the fact its battery lasted much more than the 50mins mine did, it was incredibly easy to use. Nothing for it, I sent mine back and got one, using the excuse that although mine was still better I need a longer battery life. Can’t admit Norm had had one up on me.
O2 were great, a new I-phone was sent on next day delivery to Norms house and I spent the next day and a half ignoring Kila and everyone else while I set it up, just in time to use it for the main event. I entered the Vic Casino with a new installed confidence, I was ready to crush all my opponents while listening to the political ranting of Joe Strummer. If only I’d remembered the head phones.
Note. In the recent Birmingham event I again forgot my headphone as I normally do, luckily I was able to borrow some to save me from the annoying gobshites on my table. How can so many get drawn together.
One of the few flaws of the I-phone is its inability to forward text messages, damn annoying when you get sent a very funny joke. I recently received this one from my good friend Harry Fox from Hull. Re-writing it for a text was far to much effort so I’ll post it here for all to read.
Paddy is on a bus when a young mother starts to breast feed her child
“Come on” she says “if you don’t want it I will give it to that man over there”
Five minutes later she tries again.
“Look if you don’t want it mummy gonna give it to that man over there”
Paddy leans over and says
“For god sake woman. Make up your mind, I should’ve got off three stops ago”