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22^nd June

After a day bumming about, Nick comes home slightly on Tilt and insists we have a night out. I’ve only had three nights on the lash since arriving so after some fake reluctance he convinces me. We head over to South Point casino for some drinks and a mild game of craps. The craps goes well until I make a rookie mistake. The dealer tricks me into putting my hand in the pit.

You can have another 25 on that odds bet””

“Ooo can I?” so I reach down to top up the pile.

With cat like reflex’s reactions I manage to pull my hand out of the path of the on coming dice but it was no good.

“Seven out” said the evil mastermind (with a smug looking expression on his face), bringing what could have been a world record throw to an end.  I wonder what we could have won had we not been taking it easy. There was no time to ponder, I could feel the gazes from my fellow players, it was time to leave.

(First lesson learnt by a gambler. It sucks when we are unlucky enough to lose, and when we win it could always have been more. Unless you feel this way you’re not really a gambler)

We head over to Mandalay bay and sit and have a drink at the Bar. A guy next to me hit the Royal Flush. “Get In!” I shout. Before the attendant comes over to fill in the relevant forms I have the bright Idea of saving this man 30% of his winning from the tax man.

“Tell them I gave you the money to play, I don’t pay the tax.”

“OK”

After explaining I gave him $100 to play and the winnings we in fact mine the attendant takes my driving license and players card to check my details. After 30 minutes or more they return and say they need my passport.

“That’s at home, it will take me ages to get it.”

The bloke, now getting a little impatient says “forget it keep the tax just give me the money.”

“We can’t he was playing” says the attendant pointing at me.

“No No No” I say “HEEEEEEEEE way playing, just with my money”

“We will have to check the camera”

Thirty Minutes later he returns again and says “We have checked the camera and HE! (points at me) was definitely playing”

“OK then” I said, “just hold back the tax”

“We can but you still need your passport!”

This was turning into a nightmare.

Luckily “Tony” (as I later found out his name was) had his car but as Mandalay Bay is size of a small town I suspect it could be quite a walk to get there. I was wrong.

No, Tony was no ordinary punter. As we walk towards the car park he clicks a button on his key ring and a gate to a private car park opens. He told me it holds only 22 cars for the VIP’s. We jump into his brand new Ferrari 430 and race over to my house.

“So how you been doing tonight, won much?”

“Lost about $250,000”

(No, there are not too many zero’s on the end of the above figure!)

“OH!” I pause, “Well don’t worry this will save your $1200”

We then have a quiet moment while I listen to the raw of the engine drown out his stereo.

“Er, what do you do for a living then” I tentatively ask.

“Hmmmmmm, I play Blackjack”

“Count cards?”

“Hmmmmmmmmm, no! I just play Balckjack.

I start to wonder whether his surname is Soprano. He certainly had the appearance of a high ranking Captain in the Soprano crew. I decide to shut up with the questions and gaze silently through the window.

Finally we get back to the Casino and I get thrown from pillar to post filling out forms. I leave Tony with Nick at the bar while I sort it all out. (Rather I left Nick with Tony, kinda like collateral so he knows I won’t do a runner with his money). After more than 2 hours I finally get him his dosh and time to crack on with the night.

Later on a football match was on.

“What match is this?” Nick asks. “Shit its Spain v France” Before I can reply.

Yes it was in fact Midday. Ok we better go home soon. We got back at 6.30. PM!!!!!!

I do like to get to bed before ten.

(The names of the above story may have been changed to protect the innocent. ME!)

23^rd June

Did we have a 23^rd of June this year? I seem to be missing one. There is one on the calendar and I have asked around, people assure me we did indeed have one. Someone has obviously stolen mine.

24^th  June

After a mere 15 hours sleep I got up and realised I needed to swap my car. Having got royally shafted for taking it back a day late last year I was not going to make the same mistake again. On the way out Steve “The Flash” Warbs calls me and asks if I’m off to the Palazzo to watch the match I am keen but after the Rigmarole of swapping cars I would have missed most of it so instead agree to meet them that evening for a few drinks and Andreas’ birthday.

Now I know we all wanted Italy over Spain in the Quarter final of Euro 2012. Sweden beating France in the last game ensured us that. However with hindsight I wish it was not the case. You see Spain would just have smashed us about 4 or 5 nil, we’d be out and that’s that. We are shit and we know we are. Problem with Italy is they totally outplayed us but by some miracle, the gods had decided to keep the ball out of the net and give us yet another draw. This way the Gods can torture us more with yet another penalty shoot out. Another shoot out to give us false hope of a result. Another shoot out where we go one penalty ahead to get us really excited. Lifting us up high, so the fall back down to earth hurts even more on landing. As a Blackpool fan I don’t have high expectations and yet they have surprised and excited me in recent years. Yet an over paid national team who have never looked like they want to be there, have never looked impressive do nothing but disappoint every two years. No doubt they will do it again in yet another 2 years in Brazil.

Unfortunately Andreas had to cancel his birthday after a cousin got hit by a Taxi. If you’re reading this I hope all is well. Got to be honest though, I was glad of an excuse to stay in.

25^TH June

Played the $2.5k and quickly wished I hadn’t. After a brief cash session dropping another $350 we went and played golf.

26^th June

Today was the $1500 PLO8 event. Looking forward to playing a none hold’em event and expecting big things. I was wrong. But did play some cash and picked up a little 1200 win. I will take it!

June 21^st

Didn’t get back till gone 4 am so had a lie in and got up for the second half of the Footy. The Czechs vs Portugal. Gotta say The Portuguese were all over them, how they only scored once I don’t know.

The front door bell rings and it’s a guy to fix the pool.

“I thought you weren’t coming till Thursday?

“It is Thursday!”

“Is it!, shit I thought it was Tuesday.”

I head over to the Rio to rail Roberto Romanello and another Brit (admittedly who I don’t really know) Craig McCorkell. Not to be for Roberto but pleased to say at least Craig will be bringing home some Jewellery back to Blighty.

Thoroughly enjoyable afternoon, was like watching a footy match with lots of banter, beer and cheering. Though eventually the organisers threw many of them out. I wouldn’t mind but a fight hadn’t even broken out. Can be a bit nesh these yanks at times.

Bumped into Jake Cody who apologised for the other night.

“What for Hustling me?”

“No, bollocks to that, for being pissed and obnoxious.”

“I wouldn’t worry too much over that, I think I did far worse at your age.”

Probably more recently than that to be completely honest!

Nick and I decided on a game of pool later that evening and were Joined by Little Steve “The Flash” Warburton. Nicknamed flash not because he occasionally hangs around primary schools and playgrounds (well I don’t think so at least) but because of his lightening pace over a 50 yard dash.

Now although the Wynn was completely in the wrong direction I thought it was worth the effort. Not easy find a good game nowadays, everyone knows that.

“Are you any good at pool?”

“Nicks OK, I’m about average?”

I really am not exaggerating here, Chorley seems to have far more than its fair share of pool players, and I’d be average at best! Maybe having a pub on most street corners breeds pool and darts players, but who know? It’s probably just a coincidence.

At $10 a game we played winner stays on. When me and Nicked played it’s was particularly tense due to the implied odds of getting to play Steve next.

After being $40 bucks down Steve insisted on odds of 6/4.

“Ok, you currently owe me $40, so if I win its $100, I you win, it’s quits. That 6/4!”

“YOUR ON!”

Not sure if he meant to give me the 6/4 but, hey ho! It went to 100 bucks. Good job these young kids are sooooooo good at maths eh!

The biggest problem was keeping him interested between games but $20 worth of quarters kept him busy on the Pac-Man machine while Nick and I battled it out for the right to play him next.

If that hadn’t worked we’d have got him Ice cream.

We were later joined by a few more, Andreas, Rich, Dave and Polly and a game of killer broke out for $10 bucks a person. Delicious! Unfortunately Nick scooped the lot. He owes me a finders fee at least.

Despite the early hour someone suggested 10 pin bowling.

“Ok, but I warn you, I’m not very good”

We rushed over to the Orleans and got a couple of lanes. The first game was Nick, Andreas Steve and myself. Steve insisted on $10 a point against me. Tempting, but not even I can be that cruel. Instead we said $50 to the winner, paid by forth place and $25 to second paid by the 3rd place.

Nick had insisted he was rubbish at the game however this was clearly a ruse. I have to say I am shocked, no horrified by how ruthless some of these poker players. Does the hustling never stop!

Final frame and I have posted a score of 155. Only player left to throw was Nick who is 26 points behind. He would need 2 strikes and at least 7 on his last throw to beat me into second place.

My little dance and chants of “Show me the money!” were rudely interrupted by a strike. Still quietly confident I wished him luck. BASTARD! Another strike, and after polishing it off with a 9 for his final throw I begrudgingly said well played. Yet another badbeat!

Everything happens to me!

June 19^th/20th

Left car behind and over to the Palazzo for the last England Match. Disappointed to see they were odds on but had bet on them anyway. Joined by Steve “Womble” Walmsley and Julian “Lucky Bollocks” Gardener we decided that if we win we would hit the bars. 1-0 get in! There is nothing better than false hope.

Firstly some food and a few drinks in the Wynn while we wait for Jules to get changed. As beautiful and the Wynn is it tilts me that it is the only casino in town where drinks are not free when you play the video poker. I suppose they gotta make a living. We all chip in $500 each for the gambling syndicate and head to the craps table for a drink. I know the drinks are expensive here but I am sure things would have been cheaper if we stayed at the bar.

Next stop is Tommy Rockets. A quiet bar with pool tables close to the Rio. Playing winner stays on for ten bucks a game it’s really difficult to win every game and continue to appear lucky, but somehow I managed until Ross Boatman turned up. After missing an easy black I was gutted to have to go back into my profit poker for the next game. Eventually Womble and I teamed up for doubles and the slaughter continued.

Having failed to win a single game, doubles or singles Julian challenged us to Video golf. Now we magnanimously offered to mix the teams up to make things fair but that just seemed to upset them  a little. You just can’t help some people. Anyway, another $50 for the profit pocket.

We invited Ross to join the gambling syndicate and he chipped in $500 too. We may have neglected to mention we had already blown our entire tank in one foul swoop but we needed to get back in the game. We headed over to Bill’s casino and went straight to the craps. After a Jobs worth waitress refused to give drinks to anyone other than the thrower we quit in protest and moved next door to the Flamingo. Things moved along much better here and winning about $2,000 we decided to take a break and let Julian play roulette, Briefly! Seriously, he was not living up to his “Lucky Bollocks” nickname at all.

Next stop was the Carnival bar where we invested $200 into 4 Long Island Tea’s. Sounds a lot but you could drink want to then simply have a bath in what’s left.

In Harrah’s we go next and after asking for a Players card the pit boss took an instant dislike to me. I swear I have no Idea what I was supposed to have done but he started shouting for the police. I was prepared to wait, sure of my innocence but the rest of the team advised me to leave. All unaware of what I was supposed to have done. Fuck em! Shithole anyway.

The salubrious surrounds of the Imperial Palace it is then. And our form continues, smashing the table we have pulled all our loses back and banked a $200 profit a piece leaving about $600 in the kitty.  This bar crawl was working out rather well. Time for one last spin in Treasure Island before we head to a club and after another $900 each, a good day’s work was complete. I love Vegas!

I finally got in around 9.30am just as Nick was getting up to go out. I been a good lad on this trip and my rule of getting to bed by Ten was still in tact.

After a few hours sleep Lil Dave Nicholson calls and asks if Jules and I fancy joining him for dinner. For those who don’t know Dave read his blog, probably the best poker blog around.

http://lildaveslife.blogspot.com/

We met up with him at Nines, a very highly rated steak house at the Palms, a place I was really looking forward to trying. Sorry to say I was not impressed. I got the Dry aged rib eye and it was tough to say the least. Edible but probably the worst steak I have had in Vegas to be honest! Made worse by the fact I lost at spoof and had to pay for it. Everyone else seemed happy though!

After my little Omaha score it has become completely obvious to me that I and probably one of the best PLO players in the world. So I decided to play another, this time for a seat to the 10k PLO the next day. If I won a seat it is unlikely to finish before five so I would probably take the chips, maybe use them for the main event. With nearly 250 players there would be 12 seats available and a whopping $305 for 13^th. Really there should be 2705 for 13^th but when you win a seat they give you $10,000 in lammers and $200 in cash. This is in the hope you leave the extra $200 behind as a tip. Despite the fact they have charged everyone $50 to enter already and taken a further 3% from the prize pool they still want more. I don’t mind tipping, in fact I like tipping. It gives me chance to show my appreciation for a good service. Thing is the dealers at the Rio of the most inexperienced, slow and useless dealers in Vegas, you taking liberties to ask me for more money after already taking a mandatory piece off me already.

Not that I was affected, I got 17^th. Sigh!

Ross Boatman has not been seem since, can someone please confirm any sighting’s and reassure us he got home alive!

15^th June

Its England vs Sweden today in the second game of the Euro’s. Being at the much more reasonable time of 11.45am I decided id visit the Gym first. Had day off yesterday and as tomorrow will be a right off (every chance I will have a tipple or two).

Only had time for 5 miles but that would do, besides I don’t want to be too knackered all day do I.

I met up with a bunch of the young whipper snappers at the Palazzo sports book. This is a great bar, and great combination of Booze and betting.  I don’t normally bet on England but couldn’t resist and had $400 on us at 7/5. Not often there are bargains to be had in a Vegas sports book but they were only 5/4 in the UK. I realised that the town was probably flooded with Swedes lumping on their own team. Besides everyone outside of England knows we are shit!

After a great header from Andy Carroll (how often can you say that) I was thinking easy money, but England being England nothing is easy. And I was starting to ask WHY WHY WHY do I do it! Luckily we came back to win and the day was off to a great start.

The bill arrived (Or cheque as they say in the states. Why cheque, I normally love getting cheques, who the hell want to be given a cheque that leaves you worse off!) and we all had to chip in a $100 bucks. However, thing are never that straight forward when in Vegas with a load of degenerate poker players. Obviously we have to gamble for it. Five people chose not to join in and chipped up the $100 bucks. Jake Cody suggests that second last place gets that $500 and last pays the entire bill. Being a bit short of readies at the moment I would be crazy to join in, but action is action. How could I say no! Everyone chucked in a credit card/id/room key and each was randomly eliminated. As luck would have it the first was me, weeeeeeeeeeeeeee. That said, I did feel strangely ambivalent about not having a chance to win the $500. Obviously I was not the only one. Jake and Moorman continued to throw there card back in the mix until they were heads up. Fair play! Jake had done it 3 times before getting the bill. That’s determination to win.

Later Jake, James Mitchell and Myself headed over to the Gold Coast for a game of 10 pin bowling. Now back in the eighties a bowling ally opened in Blackpool. I was hooked and a regular visitor and hold a high score of 198 albeit over 20 years ago. This has to be a great opportunity to win teach these kids a quick lesson. Despite Jake purchasing his own ball I was sure I could negotiate a handicap sufficient to make this an even more profitable day. I played dumb and asked endlessly stupid questions and lose game one in style for $50. I now get a 25 start and the stakes are raised to $100. I win the next trying hard to appear lucky. The stakes now raise to $200, delicious! All of a sudden both Jake and James come alive and smash me. The sneaky bastards, I mean the cheek of it!

Ending up in Bills (formally the Burbury |Coast) its beer pong time and after having young Mitchell on the ropes he somehow wriggled out of it and broke even.

It was almost inevitable that the lure of the craps tables would be too much and I did have a spin. A great spin and when I eventually got home about 4 am and I somehow ended up with over 2000 bucks more than I started the day with. Much of the last few hours were something of a blur, all I know is I probably should have had more. If it wasn’t for them pesky kids!

16^th of June

I got up early and shot straight to the gym for a 10 mile run then smashed up the cash games for $10,000. Yeah Right!!!!

Seriously what do you think I really did. I just lay on the couch vegetating while watching the golf.

17^th June

Six years ago today I married my wonderful wife and one day when we will spend an Anniversary together. Unfortunately I always seem to be here. Obviously something good would happen today. I decided to play the $1000 WSOP event at the Rio convinced a deep run was waiting to happen. I was home for lunch.

After watching the end of the Golf I headed back to the Rio to play the $550 mega satellite to the $5k PLO. Quite early on I get it all in 3 ways  in a coup with top set of queens vs two diamond flush draws. Obviously the diamond comes straight in on the turn but surprisingly the river is another queen giving me quads. I triple up and after this everything ran smoothly. Has to be the easier seat I have ever won and didn’t run bad once. Problem was it had gone 3am by the time it had finished and it would be closer to four by the time I got home. Andy Bradshaw suggesting un-registering and getting the 5k in chips. Not a chance. However when collecting they actually paid me with $500 lammers. (Chips used for buying into any event) I decided to see how knackered I was in the morning and took them home with me.

18^th June

After just a few hours sleep I got up and considered wether to play the PLO. To be honest it’s not my best game but I have been working on it over the last 6 months and most players are so bad there has to be value. Nick offered me the cash for the chips so instead I gave it a miss and went to the gym.

Disaster today, 3 miles in my ankle gave up on me. I will probably need a few day off before I try again. Hopefully nothing serious, think I may have aggravated an old beer injury I picked up on my wedding night, but that’s another story!

10^th June

I have decided it was easier to park at the Palazzo and walk through to Venetian if I play to play cash. However taking a left at the top of the escalator I find my self in front of the Palazzo card room. This was clearly a sign from the Gods that they wanted me to play a tournament today and I was just in time to late register for the $400. After an up and down start I get up to 20k and with KK I get it all in on a 9 high flop vs A9. When another 9 hit the river the only thing clear was the poker gods wanted me to add another 400 bucks to that prize pool.

I wander over to cash room and things improved and I rescued the day with a $2500 win.

11^th June

After a round of golf in the morning I headed over with Nick to Caesars Palace to play the $130 Big O event. After eventually finding the car park entrance it’s just a short 2 mile* walk to the card room.

(*felt like it)

Upon arrival I realised I had forgot my ID and players card so was unable to play. Considering that Caesars only take $30 out of every $130 I didn’t really feel like I was missing out.

(I say only, if they thought they could get away with more they would.)

I sat down at the 2/5 NL game things started pretty well and was about 700 up in no time. Then the following hand developed. I was in the big blind and the button had straddled to $10. The small blind folds and I call without looking in the big blind. Six of the next 7 players all call the 10. The button decided to make it $100 to play. I now look at my cards and see AQ. Maybe I should raise here but instead I just call as does the guy to my left. Seat 4 folds and seat 5 calls. Seat 6 folds Seat 7 pushes for $210, seat 8 calls this 210 (has 1200 back) and so does seat 9 (the original raiser and has 1500 back). I really think I am in good shape here so decided to try and force out seats 8 and 9 and push all in. With the exception of the chap to my left everyone pushed all in. So here I am in a 5 way all in pot with AQ, so what am I up against. Well, 44, 66, K10 (the Muppet cold called the 210 push with everyone to act behind. He obviously decided that he was committed) and 56 (the original raiser). I am in great shape.

I come last!

Nick time in the Big O event was brief and he decided to register for the 8pm $110. Now at first glance this appears a bargain. It is priced up so you think $100 for the prize pool and $10 for the casino. WRONG! 80 for the prize pool $30 for the good people at Harrah’s. A mere 37.5% juice. They have to make a living!

There was a little promotion going on and every time you won a pot you get a few raffle tickets. A draw is made several times a day and 5 lucky punters win $100. And I am pleased to say I was one of them, get in!

I get another bonus $100 when a dealer error on the table meant he had an extra $100 in his tray. After checking the camera’s they realised it was in fact mine. Finally I’m running well.

I pull back my loses and finish the day 900 up. Nick had come 2^nd in the Harrah’s Management retirement fund event too for $1200, so everyone was happy. Especially Harrah’s who managed yet another first. Now that is consistency.

12^th June

I got up early and did another 10km on the treadmill at the gym. When I start I never think I’m gonna get close but thus far I seem to be getting there. Took me 78 mins, again no record but pretty pleased all the same.

I head over to the Venetian again for the cash game but was card dead all day and lost $1500 with pretty much nothing happening.

13^th June

I return to the Bellagio and play the 5/10 NL. Within the first 5 minutes I get 1500 in with AK only to run into Aces and from here things got worse. Every time I tried a value bet they folded and almost every steal I tried was snapped off. I swear I would have thought I had a tell but most of these people aren’t even looking at you. Just shaking their heads and making the call. Worse cash day of the trip thus far.

Nick suggests the gym. I was apprehensive after running a full 10km yesterday but felt it could be a good way to distress. I again managed it and feel that my fitness is really starting to progress. And my weight has dropped from 266lb to 258lb since I started.

Have to say I was gutted to still be the 258lb after I finished.

On the way back nick, who was driving asked “Is that a copper?” No sooner had the words left his lips and the red and blue lights began to flash and he pulled out a side road to chase us. Pulling us to the side of the road Nick had realised he had forgotten his driving license. Only the second time he has done this and he got pulled then too.

“Are you here on Vacation?” ask the cop.

“Yes.”

“Where you from?”

“The UK”

“Well is doesn’t really serve me any purpose to give you a ticket then.” And he returned to his car.

RESULT!!!!

14^th June

Basically I just took the Day off and watched the footy and golf. My body is starting to rebel and demanded a day on the couch, how could I disagree.

Besides the England match is tomorrow, and I am planning on a RE-TOX. Best be in tip top shape for that.

7^th June

Decided to have one more bash at a tournament so went to the Palazzo and played the 1100 deepstack. I arrive late and the blinds are 75/150. I call a raise of 700 on the button with AQ. The flop is  7 9 10 with 2 diamonds. My opponent checks and I bet about 1100, he calls. The turn is a 6, again he checks. I decide he has AK maybe AQ and is just getting stubborn. He struck me as the sort of player who would lead with an over pair so I bet again, this time 2100. Again he calls. The river is another 9 and he pushes all in almost immediately. I obviously can’t call and muck my cards.

“Nothing personal” he says and flips over KQ. I am later informed the guy was a nutter and had been playing wild from the start. He was out less than 10 minutes later.

Apart from pulling off a sick bluff later I never really got going and finally fell defending my blind with 55 and ran into Jacks.

Bullet Pete had arrived the day before and told me he was having a bet in the 6^th game of the NBA play offs between Miami and Boston. I decided to join him on Miami. EAAAAAASY MONEY!

After the basketball  we decided to have a night out, first of the trip. The drought had to end sooner or later. The young wiper snappers were all heading over to some locals bar call Brownies or summut so we decided to join ‘em.

Great night out in this place, you really should find out what the place is actually called and go there. It has bucking bronco’s, mini bowling and the Las Vegas tradition that is beer pong.

First time I have played this game, and for those who haven’t, here is my brief understanding of the rules.

Each side has 10 cups with a token gesture of beer in them. Each team has 2 attempts to throw a ball into one of the opponent’s cups. If you make it your opponent scoffs the beer in that cup. If you get two in then you get another 2 balls. Get 2 in the same cup your opponent has to drink three. If you bounce the ball into a cup they have to drink an extra cup. However if you bounce you opponent can bat it away. Failing that it seems if you have played it before and your opponent hasn’t you can make up rules as it goes along to gain whatever advantage you can. First to drink all the beer loses!

Side bets are obligatory!

After partnering with Trig and losing 50 bucks to the Bullet, Gwibbo and Steve “Speedy” Warbs, I realised I had to recruit more worthy team mates. Up steps a couple of yanks Dave and Cory (an American name if ever there was). Cut a long story short we win the next 4. At this point the Americans leave and Bullet is about to join me. I am clearly world class at this game, and we needed to even things up. Reality was Gwibbo was by far the worst player though his pride stopped him from seeing it. However I ended up taking all three on for $100 each. I was trying to see what edge they thought they would have. I was clearly in a different league at this game and surely one player would have more rhythm that three taking it in turns. It then became apparent what they thought that edge would be. I would have to drink my drinks on my own while they could share theirs 3 ways. I had also noticed that there was considerably more beer in my cups. Unfortunately for them the only thing I am better at than beer pong is BEER!!!! Suckers!!

8^th of June

Sleeping in for once until I was rudely awoken by the bullet. He had kipped over last night in the spare room and he needed a lift back to the Venetian. Unfortunately my car was parked up at South Point Casino from the previous night. Gwibbo was in no fit state to drive just yet so he would need to call a cab. This is an impossible task in Vegas. They just don’t like to visit residential properties, after nearly an hour wait we had phoned back to see where it was.

“Er, can you call in half an hour more, hopefully we can let you know what is happening then”

Over an hour after that we get a call.

“Do you still want that Taxi?”

After toying with the Idea of golf we instead decided on a game of pool. Despite Nick bringing his own cue all the way from the UK, it was all one way traffic, and had it been boxing the towel would have gone it long before the end.

9^th June

Nick had gone off cycling and I was off to the Gym again for the next stage or my running regime. I have to run 2 minutes and walk 3 minutes 10 times. I was determined to better this. And better it I did. I managed 17 times and completed 10km (6.21 miles) in 82 minutes. No where near enough to win the bet but it is the first time I completed such a distance, and I have to say I am pretty damn pleased with myself for doing it.

The down side I was too fucked for anything else and fell asleep on the couch when I returned home.

About 3 o clock I was rudely awoken by Gwibbo storming through the front door. I had assumed he’d already been back home to change while I was out and had gone back out to play the $1500 at the Rio. His stomping about seemed to fit in with a bad result. Lost for words he had clearly just got back on his bike, covered in shit and 3 hours late! He was whining about a puncture or three and being trapped in the desert miles from anywhere with no water, sensible shoes or means of communicating with anyone. Seriously he’s such a drama queen.

No doubt Gwibbo will be post the odd comment contesting some of the remarks within this post. I still say the truth is in those who publish it first.

I have wrote a bucket list. Shit to do before I die. Things I have always wanted to do and things I have added as time goes on.

As you can see most of the items I have managed to tick off. I find a bucket list is considerably easier to complete if you add the items after you have done them!

3^rd June 2012

Since arriving in Vegas I am yet to have a drink, and chances are I won’t have many, if at all. At least not until the Good Lady wife, Kyla arrives on the 5^th of July. This will undoubtedly lead to less escapades and possibly turn this into a less amusing blog that previous years.

I will however keep you updated on my “getting fit” progress. Although that may sound uninteresting, I am the proverbial FAT BASTARD. This shit don’t come easy so knowing how much people enjoy others pain, I am sure some will want to hear about it.

I weighed about 19st before I arrived. It would be nice to weigh less when I leave, and not just due to the lack of money in my pockets. Something I am confident I have failed to achieve in all my previous visits here.

Started off with all them press up and star jump and sit ups and stuff. After a break I had a go on the boxing pads. Basically 3 pads tied to a wall and you punch the bollox off ‘em with boxing mitts on.  Use a timer and box a round then break. Repeat over.

Sounds easy! And indeed after watching Nick do 10 three minutes rounds before hand, I thought “I can do that!”

Nick advised to do four 90 second rounds and a 1 minute rest. After round 1 the pads were begging for a break. I had pounded the last week or more of frustration out all over them. By round two the pads were starting to fight back. Round three I was against the rope and had the pads not been tied firmly to a pillar I swear they would have knocked me out flat in the forth. I was fucked. Jeezzzzus!

After a mere 10 minute workout, 4 of which were breaks, I nearly discovered God.

How these Pro boxers manage 12 rounds of this, with people hitting you back is beyond me.

After a few hours recovering while watching TV my phone rang. It was the Pool man. I say pool man, general handy man. He is supposed to come round and do all the things that needs doing to the house. Like getting the pool working, or fixing the sound on the telly. Both of which he’s yet to do. It has only been a week.

“I will be round in 90 minutes to look at the pool”

I was intending to play today but decided to wait. Six hours later he arrived.

We still can’t use the pool and I fixed the telly.

4^th June

A while back I, when drunk, I was talked into making a bet on weather I could run a marathon by Paddy O’Conner. And foolishly I took it. The winner gets paid into a $1500 WSOP event and the loser gets 30% of anything they may cash. Needless to say he won!

Luckily for me he failed to turn up last year and collect so effectively I was off the hook. However after a recent trip to Ireland where I bumped into Paddy again the bet was brought up and I was talked into making another. Again while drunk! (And you wonder why I am not drinking while I’m in Vegas)

This time it was to run 10k, in a predefined time. One I shall keep quiet for now for risk of further ridicule.

This off course is partly the reason I have decided to turn over a new leaf and get fit.

I have downloaded an app on my phone called ‘Couch to 10k’, and am working through its 13 week course. Currently I am on week four which means running for 2mins and walking for 3. Repeating this process eleven times. I must admit week one was much better, run for 30 seconds and walk four and half. Anyway I managed it this morning and wasn’t nearly as knackered as anticipated. God help me by week 12 though.

Great thing about American Gyms is I am far from the fattest person in there. Not even close!

After this I headed over to the strip to play some cash. I decided on the Bellagio mainly because its handily located next to the freeway. I sat in the 5/10 NL with 1500 and I am happy to say never really dropped below that. For once!

After 3 hours I was 2.5k up and decided to call it a day. Maybe a mistake because I has a very tasty table, but I was desperate to bank a win if only for morale purposes.

I joined nick at the Venetian and won a further 500 at the PLO 1/2/5 game before having a Chinese for supper. Yes I am on a diet but having exercised that morning I was free rolling on the calories for day so why the fuck not. I’m not a saint!

Tuesday 29^th May

Nick Gibson arrives this evening and I will be checking out of the Rio and moving into the house we have rented.

Dumped my bags with the bell boy and head downstairs for some cash games. After an hour or so and failing to win a significant pot I decide to change from NL hold’em to some ‘Big O’. Big O is basically 5 card Omaha Hi Low. Where they get the name big O I have no idea. After a couple of hours however I have an idea.

OH!  You played that shit. And OH! you wriggle out of it again.

(I think the above line says all you need to know about how well it went)

It is still only mid afternoon, with Nick not landing till 6.35 (Add an hour or two for him to get through security and sort out a car) I still had a time to kill.

Having got close to winning a sit and go yesterday I decided to play another. It was a much slower affair than yesterday and there was only 1 exit by the time we had reached 200/400. I am in the BB and the button raises to 1100, I look down and see QK of clubs. I shove all in for 6100 (start with 5k) and when he instantly calls I assume I am in awful shape. I am delighted to see him flip KJ off suit. However that delight soon changed to despair when board ran out with four diamonds on it to give him a jack high flush. Sigh!

Now its dilemma time. I want to take a break, but have no room to go to and if your not punting at the tables it’s not that easy to think of many things to do to kill a few hours in the afternoon in Vegas. I figure by the time I get my bags and car from the Valet it’s gonna be close to 7.00 and by the time I drive across town to the car rental place probably 7.30. I will wait there for him, can’t be that long.

By 9.00pm no sign of him and he aint answering his phone. This is not good, if I don’t find him I have no where to stay and checking into a hotel will be a royal pain in the arse. I have no idea what the address is for the house but I am pretty sure it’s a few miles south of the strip. I decide to head over the M casino. A new place built a year or two back, I hear it’s very nice but not seen it myself. Hopefully there I can get internet access on my phone and check my emails to see if he had had any problems.

Gotta say the place is very nice, huge and is styled somewhere between the Wynn and Aria. Worth a look if you fancy a change. En route I saw another huge casino called South Point. Amazing how something that size can escape you attention for so long.

Bored of wandering around the place I give into the temptation and have a gamble. Deciding that table games are a complete no no this year I sit down at a slot machine. After an hour of play (Only about 80 bucks down, wow this is much cheaper than poker) I get a text from Stu Fox telling me nick has lost his phone and is waiting at the house and to check my emails for directions.

I still don’t have a wi-fi connection so I have to do the unthinkable. Turn on data roaming. This is not something I would advise anyone to do except in complete emergencies. I find the email containing directions and use the handy Google mappy thing to find my way. About 2/3rds the way through my 4.4 mile adventure O2 sends me a less than welcoming text saying I had spent 20 quid and they will text me again after the next 20. Although I hadn’t received one by the time I arrived I am sure it was due. I arrived at 11pm, only 3 hours later than expected.

On the plus side the house is very cool!

One of the living rooms

Not an fantastic as the picture may appear

Saturday 2^nd June

You may have noticed a few days missing, well that’s because with the exception of a few rounds of golf and a bit of shopping not much else happened. If I run bad this trip I intend to take breaks and not fight through it on tilt.

Strangely I seem to have lost a day, I know we played golf weds and Friday but for the life of me I can think of nothing significant that I did Thursday. I haven’t even been drinking. Not touched a drop all week. Believe it or not I am intending of leading a very healthy trip. Some people may not know but I gave up smoking about 7 weeks ago. I say given up, basically I have substituted them for a electronic ciggy. One that I am pretty pleased with. I would be lying to say I haven’t had any but instead of 40 a day I now maybe have 2. Many days I have none.

In addition to this I am now making a major effort to lose weight. And sharing a house with the fitness freak that is Gwibbo this is probably my best chance. I am now dieting and god forbid even exercising n stuff. Hopfully I will have lost more than my money before I return home.

After a few days off it was back to work. Over to the Venetian to Play the $600 deep stack. Having got there early we find out its not the Venetian Deep stack anymore. It’s the palazzo deep stack. Held next door abour ½ a mile from the main card room. Not too convenient.

Had a slow start but I manage to get my chips up to about 22k from 15k. After raising a few times I decide to limp with J9 of hearts. The blinds are 200/400 and an old guy, the rockiest looking guy you could ever meet raises to 1300. The bb calls as do I. When the flop is a deliciously looking 10 5 2 all hearts I am loving life. The BB checks. Now with the guy being so tight , I decide to lead out and build a pot. It is a flop I would expect he would otherwise check anyway. If he calls he most likely has an over pair or a big heart and I want him committed. I bet out 1700 he calls and the BB folds. The turn is a 5, this time I bet 4000, he thinks for a while and calls. I am convinced he now has AA KK QQ or maybe JJ. The river is the Jack of spades. As I have a jack it is unlikely that helps him and I move all in. He calls in a flash. Excellent!!!!!!!

Aye! What, what’s that, what. WHAT!!!!! FIVE TWO OF SPADES, obviously!!!!

How could I not see that!

I returned back to house to knock shit out of nicks boxing pads. This fitness nonsense has its uses.